Adopt a Soldier

It may seem odd that a confirmed pacificst such as myself has joined http://www.soldiersangels.org/.  But I never had any issues with those who have taken up arms -- just confirmed in my belief to never to it myself.  My company solicited donations to send to soldiers over seas and I thought it was a great idea -- easy to pick up some stuff on my Costco run.

I got some of the huge size shampoo and conditioner (realizing later that for a solider's only have, what 1/2 inch of hair so I supplied them with roughly a 10 year supply) and some lotion, tossed in a few ziplog bag boxes and toothbrushes (all off the list supplied on the website).  Then I started reading through the web site.  Solders Angels was started by one woman whose sons were in Iraq and came home with stories of fellow soldiers whose isolation and lonliness was compounded by the fact that they received no mail.  So she enlisted friends to write a letter a week to an enlisted soldier, and less than 10 years later, there's a thriving 501(c) organization that is dedicated to the slogan "no solider goes unloved."  Good, right?

I've been thinking for a while that I need to start giving back and have been looking for the appropriate venue.  This seems like a great fit for me -- I love writing and doing nice things for people.  I've committed to writing one letter a week and sending one care package a month.  I remember my first year in college where I received no letters and how isolating it was (and I was just 60 miles from home and not getting shot at) so I can begin to understand how much hearing your name at mailcall could mean.

Also, I see it as a way to honor my late father-in-law Frank, who is buried in Arlington due to his WWII service.  He was the first soldier I knew personally and I know he's be proud that I am doing this.

I've sent my 1st card, written my 1st letter and done my 1st Costco run (package to be put toghther tonight).  I've put my soldier in my budget and am planning strategies of what to write every week. I figure if I get stuck, I can always write stories about Frank.

The interesting thing is that they say you can't expect to hear from your soldier.  The are, after all, busy.  So I'm preparing to have a one-sided conversation with a guy somewhere on the other side of the world.  Should be fun!

10 Reasons Why This Birthday is Better Than Last Years'

I did this list last year and thought I'd turn it into an annual event.  It's good to look on the year past and be grateful for where I am.


10.  Despite my resistance to this town, I find myself telling new folks at work where the good restaurants are and how to get around.

9. I’ve been employed for over a year, and have made friends at work. 

8. Lucca has lost weight and is healthier than he’s been for a few years.  He continues to bring joy not just to me but to all he meets.

7. After last year’s birthday lunch debacle (in which I invited 8 people from work to lunch and they canceled one by one), I am going to lunch with new friends.  And my fellow design team members gave me a card and are taking me to lunch tomorrow!

6. I’m finally in a place in my life where I’m starting to give back again.  I’ve adopted a soldier through Soldiers Angels (soldiersangels.org) and will be writing him 1x week and sending care packages.

5. My motto from two years ago (“No more drama”) continues to provide benefits in my life.

4. The steady income has let me retire several debts and I’m working on the rest.  I’m living completely within my means.

3. I am now 3 years into a wonderful relationship with a man who adores me, enjoys my intellect and takes an interest in what I do.

2. I’m much healthier this year than last year.  I undertook a lifestyle change to lead a life in which I make healthy (or healthier) choices. I am going slowly but have added several healthy habits.  I started working out (!!), drinking protein shakes, walking more, cooking healthy foods.  I feel better and am looking forward to continuing to add healthy choices in the new year.

1. My new motto for 2012:  If you’re not enjoying yourself, you’re doing something wrong.



Go with your Strenghts.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Maya Angelou

TC Corollary: If you really hate where you are, do both.

After a hiatus for sickness and a week off work, I’m back!

I did get a couple of calls from recruiters on my time off.  Please, please notice the period in place of what would have been an exclamation point a couple of months ago.  Part of my new, saner job search.  Just because a recruiter has called you to submit your resume to some employer, that in itself is not cause for joy.  It’s a step in the right direction, but still too removed from an actual job to merit any emotional expenditure.

Still, it’s nice to know that some of the new tactics are working.  I have a lot to do – I’ve only had one serious Monday to put the plan in place – I was ill last week and the lack of PTO requires me to be at work today (I’m writing this update on my lunch hour).

I’ve decided to change my resume once again to reflect by Business Analyst experience.  My current title is Business Analyst/Software Developer, and I think that it will be easier to get past gate keepers with a job title that I am currently holding.  I still hold out hope for a return to Software Development Manager, but those hopes are being tempered by the reality that it’s been a few years since I’ve held that position.  And until I get my PMP, there doesn’t seem to be much return in sending out PM resumes.

I am reminded of something I was saying to myself earlier this year but got lost:  Go with your strengths!

Don't Mind the Mule - Business Advice that works

"Don't Mind the Mule, Load the Wagon."  Frank Culberson

Thirteen years ago my father-in-law passed away.  There was a huge blackout in all Northern California making the whole day very Bergman-esque -- but that's another story for another day.  Everything I know about succeeding in business I learned from Frank -- or from my husband, who learned it from Frank.  He grew up in the depression, enlisted in WWII underage (it was easier to lie back then) and made it to D Day and the Battle of the Bulge (he also taught me how to tell if someone is lying about whether they were in the Battle of the Bulge or not.  This is not a skill I expect to use, but evidently a lot of claims were being made after the war).

Frank had lots of great sayings and was generous with his advice.  I met him in my early 30s and drank it all in.  We had a great rapport, as he was fond of saying, and I was a new audience for his many stories and his advice.  He learned about business the hard way and was a pioneer in New York City, going where no one of his race had gone before.  He rose as far in his business as was possible and retired a well-respected man.  Oh, have i mentioned that I loved him dearly?

So, in honor of Frank, some of his most memorable business advice to me:

"They don't care how you feel.  If you feel sick, show up and shut up about it."

"Never put pictures of your family on your desk.  Never easily give people a reason to dislike you."

"You haven't been in the job long enough to understand the politics of the place to make a decision.  Stay put, shut up, and keep your eyes and ears open." (This was when a job position came open in my business unit that I thought I could perform.  I had been on the job 6 months and wanted to apply, but thought I should ask my husband.  He wasn't home, so I called Frank.  I never, never, never would have been considered for the position and would have looked like an idiot for applying.  That was the last time I questioned any of his advice.)

"Every day when I leave work, I hock and spit the workplace out on the sidewalk, shake the dust off my shoes.  Shake the place off before I go home.  Then I pat myself on the back.  I know I did a good job, and I know I can't expect anyone else to pat me on the back, so I do it myself.  Then I go get a drink."

"Don't mind the mule, load the wagon.  Don't pay attention to what management is doing.  It's not your business.  You have work to do, so keep your head down and make sure that what you are responsible for is done perfectly."

Rest in Peace, Mr. Frank.

“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I started this round of job searching, I vowed that I would stay off the emotional merry-to-round that drove me to the brink last time.  I reworked every cover letter and invested energy in every resume sent out.  At 15 resumes a week average, that's a lot of energy going out!  Then I'd talk to a recruiter and pull out my bright and smart employable TC to chat brilliantly on the phone.  After talking to the recruiter and being submitted for a job, I would go to CraigsList and start hunting for available houses in Alameda.  I examined each one and thought, "Could I live here?  What would making dinner be like in that kitchen?  Can I really afford that much rent?"  More energy leaking out.  And none coming back.  No calls back from recruiters, nothing.

So with this new round, the question is:  How do I maintain enough enthusiasm to keep sending out resumes without draining myself?  I'm still working on it, but have created a couple of New Rules to help me through. 

First, cut out looking at Criagslist for housing.  Jobs, yes, housing, no. No looking for available houses to rent until my 2nd interview.  That ought to free up a whole bunch of energy right there.  To be honest, there's an added extra bonus, because my bf offered to do the initial searching.  He, being smart, thought he'd wait until I got an actual job offer before starting the search.  Me, being emotionally drained and stressed out, was getting angry at him because he said he would do this part, and I was spending hours of time looking through the listings so we would be ready to jump when the job offer came through (which I have yet to have an interview).  OK, I am not proud of this.  However, the bonus is that I'll be less angry with him for, er, no reason.  Extra bonus points for having a bf who will not be angry at me because I'm angry at him for, er, no reason.

Second, understand that this is purely a numbers game and don't get invested in every resume I send.  Still tailor the cover letter, but do it as a writing exercise, not an emotional connection.

Third, let go of the idea that I'll have a job by Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or even July.  It will happen when it happens.  I will continue to do the work, just leave my emotions out of it.  

At least until I get a job interview.

Getting back up

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”   Confucius

So the first round of resumes didn't go so well, but I'm getting myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again, as the old song says.  At least this time I've got a Christmas soundtrack on Pandora. As an aside, I've become really addicted to Pandora.  I love the music genome idea and the way it applies.  Every now and then I get surprised by some song or group I love but have forgotten about and wonder what I "liked" to get it to show up.  And instead of listening to some song I've never liked (e.g., "I'll be watching you" by the police) I can hit the thumbs down and never have to hear it again!  Love it.

I also gave myself a stern talking to about letting go of expectations, which were playing havoc with my life.  And the BF's life.  But after 4 months of sending out resumes with no nibbles, it's easy to get discouraged.  Big breath, moving forward now.

So, I'm revising my resume again, and will spend today uploading the new version to each of the recruiting sites I've already signed up with (if I can remember them all ~ the Bay Area has tons of recruiting sites).  I'm also going to connect some of the recruiters I haven't heard boo from and send them the new version and find out what's up and if they have any advice for me. 

Look at me, transforming into the Job Seeker Transfomer (they should make one of those, btw.  Little boys may not think it's cool at age 7, but it will come back to them when they get older).  Looking at this process as a game should lighten the energy and (perhaps) make it fun.

BTW, does anyone know when I started talking with so many parentheses?